I've been struggling with coming up with something to say about turning a year older. It has been quiet on the blog for the past few months, and I have to attribute it to not having a lot to say, or a way to articulate it. I have also felt myself wanting to keep things more private lately. This I will share.
Time is moving really fast. A little under a year ago I sat down with my paternal grandmother and we talked about time. I asked her when in her life she felt like time moved the fastest, and she told me that it had never moved faster than right now. That the older she gets the faster it flies. I feel that way already, and I can only imagine how I will feel fifty years from now, if I'm lucky enough to still be around. Things are really good with me right now. I don't think I've ever been happier or more sure of my place in time. I feel appreciative for so many things every day, which is probably why things are speeding by. In the past I have had (what felt like) long periods where I dreaded getting out of bed, I felt anxious, and time crawled, but that isn't now.
As an adolescent I knew that life would get better once I was an adult and felt like I had some control. And it has. And it keeps getting better. I have wanted to be 27 since I was 19. To me, 27 represented the age when I would have it all figured out. I don't have it all figured out, but I'm happy to be here.
The best part about getting older is that you get better at life. You have more experience to draw from and you know what works for you and what doesn't. In the last year I have been less set in my ways and I have seen how growth can come from being open to new ideas. And I have surprised myself. I have taken on Bob Marley's philosophy, and am liberated by it: don't worry about a thing. There really is no need. Things will come up. And I will deal with them the best I can, enlisting the help of my people if necessary. Perspective is everything and a positive attitude can get you a long way. I am healthier than I was a year ago, which started with what felt like my body falling apart, but I found solutions and am now better off than I was before.
I had a wonderful birthday. I told Jeffery I wanted him to do something to surprise me. Anything. So we packed a picnic and hiked the Sibley Volcanic Regional Preserve. I can't believe I've never been, it's so close. It was a perfect day, the wildflowers were blooming, and the views were terrific. We had dinner at Penrose in Oakland and it was one of the best meals of my life. We ordered the whole trout for two, which was absolutely beautiful, buttery and delicate, and we talked about the future. We have been talking about the future for the past twelve years, but I don't think we have ever been so right about it as we are now. It feels so close, and if we just keep doing what we're doing, we'll be there soon. And I know there will be challenges, but every little thing gunna be alright.